This is one of a series of articles looking at people and organizations that promote self-reliance by helping disempowered women rebuild their lives after struggles like domestic violence.
More often than not, you’ll find a formerly abused woman behind an organization that helps other abused women move past their severe challenges and rebuild themselves. You would probably expect nothing less, since the passions we have in life are often born from the tragedies we’ve suffered and overcome. And who better to help others than someone who has been there, done that?
Melanie Tonia Evans is such a woman, and she’s candid about her experiences — as well as what’s required to heal, rebuild self-esteem and move into a place of self-reliance.
On her blog and through her online programs, the Australian native educates and inspires thousands of women from around the world who are trying to recover from being narcissistically abused. After lengthy and intense research, the longtime healing practitioner believes that all abusers are narcissistic — and let’s face it; you would have to have an unhealthy regard for yourself (and disregard for others) in order to repeatedly abuse a loved one, whether physically, verbally, psychologically, or any other way.
“It’s totally my theory that every woman has either experienced narcissistic abuse in an intimate partner relationship, or knows another woman who has,” Evans says. Oh, and she helps men who have been narcissistically abused too — but the vast majority of victims are women, and women tend to hang on longer and suffer deeper because of the overriding belief that they cannot be self-reliant.
“I experienced a narcissistic abuse relationship in my late 30s. This was a life and death experience for me. My recovery led to discovering deep inner healing tools to recover from significant abuse,” Evans recounts. “Later I experienced another narcissistic relationship with a different type of narcissist – an altruistic narcissist. That took my healing journey for myself and the narcissistic abuse community to an even deeper level.
“Throughout this journey I have realized just how little is known about narcissists and narcissistic abuse, as well as how limited contemporary therapy is in regard to providing recovery for victims of abuse. I have a great passion for assisting individuals to not only survive narcissist abuse, but to learn how to thrive as a result of what happened to them.”
These experiences had Evans seeing the world through completely different lenses, in a way that many people who have been abused can relate to. She was the type who used to tell women “just get out!” without fully understanding what that meant or required. After becoming seemingly trapped in a dangerous relationship herself, she suddenly understood what it was like to be one of those women.
The reason it’s so easy to become trapped, Evans explains, is that “As a society many of us have been programmed to be co-dependent. What this means is we have been trying to achieve love, approval and acceptance from outside of ourself – rather than know how to be a solid emotional Source to ourself.
“Narcissists commonly target co-dependent people who have high integrity, are very giving and trusting, and who have very poor boundary function. Co-dependents are often terrified about speaking up, making waves and risking rejection or abandonment. Sub-consciously many co-dependents believe – ‘If I make you happy you will love, care for and protect me.’”
In other words, they prey on people who are not self-reliant.
To combat that cycle and help survivors take their future into their own hands, Evans has developed self-transformation tools that help one accept the big picture, and work towards evolution on a soul level. “It’s about acknowledging that there were unhealed parts within ourself which allowed a narcissist to enter our life and got us hooked into handing our power over,” she says.
This includes a variety of meditation exercises that draw on her past as a healer and what she learned on her own spiritual journey of self-healing. The goal is to find and transform old subconscious patterns and programs, and create new ones based on self-love and healthy relationship creation.
More About Melanie Tonia Evans and Narcissistic Abuse Recovery
To access Evans’s free tools and information, including a regular online radio show called Empowered Love Radio, visit her website at MelanieToniaEvans.com.
You will also find e-books and products for sale, such as the NARP (Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program). This flagship product includes the subconscious healing program Quanta Freedom Healing, which is facilitating thriver recoveries for thousands of individuals worldwide.